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15/06/2007 These Days在家休养，出院后的一个月零六天
SP鲜少更新，只是随性地播放一些曾经喜欢的歌曲。赋闲的时间多了，无法停止思考的大脑更加习惯性天马行空，拥堵的后果反而是无法一一诉诸于言语。于是，空间沉寂。
有人说：几乎每天打开你的空间，看不见新的文字，只能一遍又一遍听背景音乐；
有人说：SPACE上再看不到更新，比我的还慢，只有我知道，伊不是偷懒，身上开了巴掌长的口子，需要很久才会愈痊……
有人说：MSN上很少看见你，最近都在家干什么呢？
原来，是有一些人在等待并关注着的。
大部分时间是在睡觉，总是很容易就能入睡，沉沉地一睡好几个小时。床边总是要放一大杯水，半夜醒来的时候起身喝上大大一口，总会有满满的幸福感。开刀时连续四天滴水不能进，等到能喝第一口的时候，那种幸福感难以简单表述，原来水真的是微微甘甜的。
看大量的电影，主要是一些搜集到的纪录片，关于动物、历史、科学以及人文。对埃及和罗马的历史以及遗迹，闭关锁国的朝鲜以及当下的中国存在特别的兴趣。
时不时地看一本英语词典，在大笔记本里写下喜欢的词藻或者句子。
头痛的时候看经济观察报，偏爱观察家那一个版面，有绝妙的语句和藏着锋芒的思想。耐着性子才能看完企业以及行业版，基本跳过关于政治和政策的那一片，连标题都会让人看了头疼。
好几次想把许久不拾的油画笔拿起，可是陈旧的颜料早已干硬，附近超市里只有给小孩子使用的三色油画颜料，最重要的是油画板不知去向，最后一次使用是用来玩飞镖。只能在脑子里浓墨重彩，相信等上班后就不会再想画油画了。
这几天生活中有了糖糖，开始给她做衣服，变换不同的姿势给她拍照，为她梳理各种发型。一直有很多娃娃和毛绒玩具，是难以割舍的快乐源泉，最喜欢的是小时候过生日得到的红色娃娃，把她放平了眼睛会自己合上，抱起来时眼睛忽地就睁开了，这在儿时物资不是很充裕的年代，是足够令一个孩子虚荣心得到极大满足的礼物。
搜集了各种迷糊娃娃的照片，和大家分享。我们家糖糖的照片等我找到数据线后再说……
             08/06/2007 Thirdhand & Second Best After a long pleasant siesta, I began to watch a movie called “I Capture The Castle” showed on 2003, which based on a novel written by Dodie Smith.
I was deeply attracted by the pictures and descriptions as the film began narrated by 17-year-old Cassandra Mortmain, the protagonist, on their way to the old castle:
“I have relived this particular day many times. The weather is always flawless, and so is Father's mood. It is a golden memory, and I am suspicious of it. I keep looking for one black cloud in the sky...for some premonition of what was to come...but I can't find anything, not a single clue. Perhaps it really was a happy day.”
The film follows the adventures of the Mortmain family, living in a dilapidated castle in Suffolk, England in the mid 1930s. While they first saw the castle, father announced excitingly: “I Will Write masterpieces here!” In fact, since they moved into the castle some years later, their mother died for ill and father hasn’t written out even a word. Now, they feel stuck, with leaky roofs and drafty rooms.
I Capture the Castle is about the experience of Cassandra and those around her, falling in love, trying to understand their feelings, and dealing with broken hearts:
Cassandra’s older sister Rose, a red-haired beauty, longs for romance, new clothes and a life outside the castle.
Their father James, published a critically acclaimed novel a dozen years ago, but hasn’t written anything since and spends his time in a perpetual bad mood, reading detective stories while pretending to work on a new novel.
Their young stepmother, a model who desires to be James’s muse.
Stephen, a handsome young man whom the Mortmains took in when his mother, their housekeeper, died. He lives with them as a sort of servant and sort of family member. In fact, he hasn’t been paid in years.
The Cottons, the owners of the castle, consists of the brothers Neil and Simon, and their forthright mother. While the Cottons are temporarily housed on their ancestral estate near the castle, the Mortmains hope to marry Rose off to one of the brothers, preferably Simon, since he is heir to the family fortune.
I Capture the Castle is about desire as much as it is about love, and the film makes clear that they are easily confused. Desire is the yearning for something or someone, while love is a deeper emotional connection.
Here are some dialogues I love in this film:
I would've thought that love was the murderous thing, not the lack of it. I am never going to fall in love. Life is dangerous enough.
-I'd marry Simon even if I hated him.
-Oh, God.
-I've never seen anything more beautiful than Mrs. Cotton's bathroom. Peach-colored towels.-Rose, there isn't a towel on Earth that could make up for marrying a bearded man that you hate.
- -But I don't hate him.
-You're not in love with him.
-I Want to be. You have no idea how much I Want to be.
-London used to be my world, but I'm nearly flesh fades. I'll lose my place in life if I don't apply myself.
-Is that all you think you've got to offer?
-It's the only way I have to make my mark.
-You've made your mark with us. Thomas and Rose and me.
-But I'm not your mother Cassandra!
.
-Marry me. I can make it hurt less. I can earn good money now.
-I don't love you, Stephen. It's like some hideous party game. Everybody's dancing, and nobody's getting the prize they want because it's all thirdhand and second best. I can't bear it.
Everything feels fractured, and my heart is bruised. Still, better all that hurt than to have known no pain. There's only the last page left to write on. I'll fill it with words of just one syllable:
I love.
I have loved.
I will love.
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